When the Results Don't Match the Dream: A Director's Perspective on Dealing with Pageant Disappointment

Behind every delegate is a parent who feels every win, every loss, and every step of growth.

As we begin this new chapter of UIM, I want this Director’s blog to be a place for honest, constructive conversations about the real experiences we share in pageantry. And one of the most important? How we handle results when they don’t go the way we hoped.

I get it. When your daughter walks off stage without the result you imagined, the emotions are real. You love her fiercely. You see her light. You want the world to see it too.

As a pageant director (and a pageant mom), I also see what happens next, online and offline. A handful of parents post in the heat of the moment, calling out the judges, the director, or the system. I know it comes from love and frustration. But in our small, tight-knit pageant world, those posts last longer than the feelings that caused them and they rarely help the child they’re meant to protect.

I want to offer perspective from the other side of the score sheet:

1) Pageants are subjective and margins can be razor thin.

Once you’re competing in a strong field, tiny details separate placements. Finals can be decided by fractions of a point. You may have a sense of how your child performed if she is in the top 5 or top 15, but you usually can’t see how close those scores really are or how close she was to making it into that final group of top delegates. A different tie -breaker rule, a different panel, a different day, and outcomes shift.

2) Judges’ comments are not attacks; they’re a roadmap.

In our system, notes are written to build—not break—confidence. They’re meant to guide your daughter’s next step, not criticize her or her performance. You are always free to keep or discard advice, but if you don’t at least consider it, improvement becomes luck instead of a plan.

3) Protect your daughter’s brand as carefully as you protect her heart.

What we post lives forever. A public vent can unintentionally read as poor sportsmanship and close doors you want open—sponsorships, recommendations, even future leadership titles. Directors and coaches notice patterns of professionalism just like they notice stage presence.

4) Top performers tweak, they don’t tantrum.

If your daughter is consistently top 15, top 5, or first runner-up, you are close. When you’re that close, little adjustments matter: posture details, transitions, interview framing, wardrobe cohesion. Those “little things" are often the difference between almost and winning.

5) Use a Pause–Process–Plan–Proceed protocol.

• Pause: Put the phone down for 72 hours (or a full week). Let emotions cool.

• Process: Highlight comment themes that repeat. Ask, “What’s the one small change we can make that would have the biggest impact?”

• Plan: Get a second opinion from a trusted coach or mentor. Make a practice plan, not a post.

• Proceed: Reach out privately if you still have concerns. Directors can’t read judges’ minds, but we can share context and next steps.

6) If you need clarity, here’s our respectful path:

• After 7 days: Email info@ultimateinternationalmiss.com with your daughter’s name/division and specific questions.

• Office hours: We offer office hours for constructive conversations. Just email us to set up a time to connect.

• No social tagging: Please avoid public speculation about judging integrity. We’re happy to talk directly and professionally.

A Delegate’s Joy vs. A Parent’s Frustration

Often, while parents are replaying scores in their heads, daughters are celebrating friendships, photos, or simply the joy of stage time. Protecting that joy may be the greatest gift you give her.

Closing Perspective

At the end of the day, only one girl walks away with the crown but every girl can walk away with growth, friendships, confidence, and momentum. That’s not just pageantry; that’s life. Let’s model the same composure and resilience we want our daughters to show on stage.

Our daughters are watching us. Let’s show them what grace and leadership look like—not just when the crown is placed, but when it isn’t. That’s the real win.

Remember: God’s timing is good. Doors open when they’re meant to. Let’s focus on preparation and character while we wait.

With respect and lots of love,

Brandis